Monday, March 16, 2009
my sweet Forrest
I miss Forrest more than words can ever express. I still think about him everyday, many times a day. I long to see him, touch him, kiss him, hold him. I would give everything I own to hold my baby boy one more time. I long for Heaven where I will be reunited with him again. I cherish every moment I have with Austin and I love seeing him learn and be curious about the world but it also brings tremendous heartache. I know now what I missed with Forrest. Every time Austin learns something new, I think about Forrest and if that is what he would have done. If he would have laughed when I sang twinkle, twinkle little star. If he would have smiled when I lifted him over my head like an airplane. Would he have loved oatmeal and hated avocados? Would he giggle when Sadie came near? I have a greater appreciation for life and definitely for Austin. Forrest's life changed me...it changed me in so many ways. I am different today than I was 18 months ago. My passions are different. My soul is different. My life is different. Forrest left the largest impact on my life. When he left us over 16 months ago, he took a part of me that I will never get back. As I said once before on CaringBridge, when Forrest went to Heaven its like my leg was amputated. I will never be the same again but I have learned to live with one less leg. I am learning to live without him in my life but everyday is hard. The only way I am making it is through the power of the Lord. He sustains me when I am weak and when I am sad. He brings joy and happiness to my life. We give praise to Him even on the loneliest of days. He sustained us in the darkest times of our life and he continues to sustain us now. We are blessed. We are blessed to be His children. We are blessed to have a wonderful marriage. We are blessed with a beautiful, healthy baby boy. We are blessed with good jobs (I love mine =) and with a wonderful extended family. We are blessed with wonderful friends and a great church. In the darkest of times it's hard to see the light but God is there...He is just waiting for us to call out to Him.